I’ve never been shy with my emotions–I laugh loudly and often, I cry more quietly and hopefully less often. Life is too short to hide feelings. This past week, many of those feelings got stirred up in unexpected, unpredictable ways.
On my drive to GRL, I hit a curb in the dark, about 20 miles away from my destination. I tore up the underside of my car and needed a tow. I reached out via the facebook group to see if anyone could hook me up with a mechanic, a plan, a sympathetic ear. At that point I was just shaking with exhaustion, anxiety, and the thought of the car repair bill. I needed, more than anything, a kind word. What happened next was an example of the way our communities come together to support and buoy each other in times of need.
A conference attendee offered to come get me so I wouldn’t need to take a cab. She also picked up my friend–and my rock–Liz, from the airport since I no longer could. Leslie, thank you, from the bottom of my heart. You are my angel.
My roommate, the amazing AJ Cousins, helped me find a mechanic to arrange the tow and fix my car. AJ, so much love.
All this before the conference even began, at least for me.
Once the conference did begin, it took me a full day to get my anxiety in check. I managed to hold back the panic throughout the book signing, no doubt thanks to all the wonderful readers who said such kind things about my books, my knitting, hell, even my hair. I love you guys, thank you so much. <3
The moment that turned the tide on my anxiety probably happened sometime Thursday night at dinner. There are things I love about each of my publishers, but I have to say, I love the camaraderie and family-like atmosphere among Riptide authors and staff. In spite of some of the worst anxiety I’ve felt in years, Abigail Roux, Ally Blue, and Riptide’s marketing magician, Andrea, made me laugh so hard it felt like I’d done a million crunches–and I was wiping tears from my eyes. Thanks, Abi, Andrea, and Ally. You made my night. <3
The following morning, a reader-friend who has made me laugh and smile often over the last year gave me an incredibly personal, incredibly moving gift. Andrea. Andrea. Andrea. <3 Thank you. Words cannot describe how deeply touched I am. And yes, I cried a lot when you gave me the gift, and I cried more every time I talked about it, and tears are flowing freely down my face as I type about it now.
I also cried when I met Rowan Speedwell and had the chance to tell her how her book, Illumination, moved me. She probably thought I was beyond crazy–but she was an absolute sweetheart and didn’t let on.
I might have sniffled at Brandon Witt and Edmond Manning too, for the wonderful things they’ve written and the feelings they’ve brought into my life. Thanks, guys.
So, in summary, if you saw me at GRL, I might have been laughing, but statistically speaking, I was probably crying. And it was probably that odd mixture of gratitude, joy, and love that brought me there.
Love.
xoxo,
V